Dec. 31, the end of the 2009. The end of the decade to boot. I wish I had the energy (and time) to do a proper rundown of the past 10 years - it would also require me to be in the proper reflective mood, which I'm not this morning - but suffice to say it's been a largely wonderful, eventful and important decade for me. It involved my first (and still to-date only) "shacking up" relationship, as well as an extremely difficult dissolution partway through the 2000s. I changed careers, which was of course a momentous (and successful) decision. I travelled to a few destinations: England, Ireland, Spain, Portugal, Japan, Argentina, not to mention visiting my favourite cities on a few occasions: London (England), NYC, Montreal. The love life was active after the break-up: I dated a number of different (and mostly terrific) women, had a one-night stand, and, as the decade draws to a close, found myself involved in what is probably the best romantic relationship of my life (with the lovely A.).
There have been some significant "downs," to be sure - the aforementioned break with M., which still haunts me from time to time (that's a whole other blog post), the constant mental battle I have of living a life that's "right and proper" (ie., kids, a mortgage, the white picket fence) versus one of my own making (and that tends to be disparaged, even by myself!) - but I feel mostly good and happy about where I am in my life. I really do feel I'm getting better as I get older.
This past year didn't involve any life-altering events. Well, unless you include a milestone birthday (ie., one that ends with the number zero), which I initially struggled with a few months before the actual b-day. In the end, it passed rather innocuously (and, thankfully, in NYC; it was a real treat to be eating a pie at John's Pizzeria in Greenwich Village on the afternoon of my birthday). But overall, the year was more marked by "steady as she goes." The highlights revolved, of course, around our various travels. Our two weeks in Argentina this fall, where we enjoyed much tasty food and wine and general fun and frivolity (particularly in Buenos Aires, which is now high up on my cities to revisit), were glorious. As well as a wonderful week at Sandbacks in the fall and a long weekend earlier in the year to do some serious snow shoeing. (That was a great discovery: how much I love to snow shoe! I'm actually looking forward to the first big snow dump of the winter to indulge.) It was also a generally good year for my body and health: no serious illnesses, thankfully, and I managed to keep up a fairly regular running schedule from early spring to early fall (after which it dropped off because of travel and time constraints, although I'm back up to running at least three times a week; that will go up in Jan. when I join the gym and can indoors). 2009 was also the year of the "big book" and of re-reading. Big books included Anna Karenina and Bolano's stupendous 2666, and re-reads included Roth's first Zuckerman books and Bolano's The Savage Detectives. I'm (hopefully) going to continue both trends in 2010. I have War and Peace awaiting, and I'd like to re-read some Haruki Murakami. My reading habits have improved considerably over the past year or so, for which I can thank my friend M. He's helped to rekindle my passion for reading, which had been somewhat dormant in the mid-2000s.
Not all is cookies and cream, of course. For one, there are still some lingering work issues involving my status (still on contract, still not making as much money as my colleagues, etc.), but I'm largely content with the job. Seemingly in comparison to many of my friends who can't stand their work: while out with D. last night for drinks, he said, "Aside from you, I don't know anybody that likes their job." And I'm disappointed in my lack of writing over the last year, whether it's here on this blog or in my journal or other endeavours. (I did manage to publish some of my work this year, however: some paid freelance pieces, as well as some work- and research-related articles, which are important to my career.) That's one of my "resolutions" (as much as I hate that word) for 2010: to better carve out time (which mostly means making better use of my time, which mostly means not procrastinating as much) and energy to write more. I'm setting a goal of getting a "creative" piece published in the next two years - wish me luck!
So I feel like the year is ending on a good and positive note, which I hope to carry through to 2010. Happy New Year to you all!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
So this is Christmas
Indeed, only two days until Christmas. I've been off work since Friday, and while I love the two-week break afforded by the holidays, I'm not feeling particularly festive this year. Admittedly I haven't made much of an effort to decorate the apartment: I did dig out the xmas ornaments and requisite CDs (Charlie Brown Christmas, A Big Band Christmas, the great holiday album by Barenaked Ladies, etc.) and hung up the stockings (one for me, the other belonging to my cat), but I still haven't been infested with holiday cheer. (I also didn't end up doing much with the ornaments as I didn't end up buying a tree.) Perhaps I'll feel different in the next couple of days when things truly slow down and I get to spend some quality time with the lovely A. (Last year we spent the four days before the 25th in Washington, DC, which was great fun.) She's been super-busy with work - namely wrapping a job up and starting a new(ish) venture in the new year - so we haven't been able to indulge too much in each other's company. We did, however, see Handel's Messiah on Monday night, and we're off to The Nutcracker this afternoon, so it's not like we're not trying to get into the holiday spirit!
All that being said, it's a welcome relief to not have to drag my ass to work until the new year. It's been an arduous couple of months on the job - thankfully nothing unpleasant, just a heavy workload. It's one reason for the paucity of posts on here - I'm just too damn bagged when I get home to do anything other than make dinner and vegetate. (I've been watching a lot of the Toronto Raptors too, although that's been more aggravating than relaxing...) So I'm using this downtime to indulge in some serious ... well, downtime. I've already been reading like a fiend: began and finished the fascinating A Terrible Splendor, polished off Roth's middling and slight (but still readable) The Humbling in two sittings, as well as getting to some short stories from The New Yorker - including works from some "big name" authors such as DeLillo, McEwan and David Foster Wallace - that I had put aside when I had more leisure time to fully engage with the stories. And although The Humbling was a mild disappointment (not a huge one though I had low expectations going in), it has led me to pick Roth's Sabbath's Theater, which the recent novel has been compared to - and which many people feel is Roth's masterwork. So I'll be reading that over the next few days, after which I may finally begin my winter reading project: Tolstoy's War and Peace. Wish me luck.
Watch this space for a 2009 wrap-up, and some thoughts on the coming year.
All that being said, it's a welcome relief to not have to drag my ass to work until the new year. It's been an arduous couple of months on the job - thankfully nothing unpleasant, just a heavy workload. It's one reason for the paucity of posts on here - I'm just too damn bagged when I get home to do anything other than make dinner and vegetate. (I've been watching a lot of the Toronto Raptors too, although that's been more aggravating than relaxing...) So I'm using this downtime to indulge in some serious ... well, downtime. I've already been reading like a fiend: began and finished the fascinating A Terrible Splendor, polished off Roth's middling and slight (but still readable) The Humbling in two sittings, as well as getting to some short stories from The New Yorker - including works from some "big name" authors such as DeLillo, McEwan and David Foster Wallace - that I had put aside when I had more leisure time to fully engage with the stories. And although The Humbling was a mild disappointment (not a huge one though I had low expectations going in), it has led me to pick Roth's Sabbath's Theater, which the recent novel has been compared to - and which many people feel is Roth's masterwork. So I'll be reading that over the next few days, after which I may finally begin my winter reading project: Tolstoy's War and Peace. Wish me luck.
Watch this space for a 2009 wrap-up, and some thoughts on the coming year.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
writing and moods
So it's been a while since I posted. I haven't been overly busy - I had a couple of tight deadlines to meet at work, for sure, but since I hardly ever write when at work, I can't use that as an excuse - but I haven't had the requisite energy to put together a decent blog post during the evening hours. I also chalk it up to my mood: the frequency of my posts tends to go up when I'm in a more depressed state of mind, or at least when I'm going through some extreme emotions. My life right now, however, is rather dull. In a good way, thankfully. No high drama, no histrionics, but more tranquil satisfaction. It's a nice headspace that seems to suit me, at least for the time being.
It hasn't always been like that. In fact, I've just spent the better part of 45 minutes poking through my external hard drive and re-reading some blog writing from my past. (I was in search of my favourite post that I wanted to pass on to a friend of mine who never read the blog.) For those that don't know, I've had about four different blogs over the years, with my original 2005 Procrastination Nation blog standing as perhaps my finest of all. I certainly had more energy back then for writing, but that's directly related to my emotional state at the time: I was going through a serious break-up, and then re-entering the dating world. Is it any wonder I had a lot on my mind to share? (I was also probably more into sharing back then. I've become more gun shy about revealing too much of me on the web.)
In some ways I miss having that energy and will to write and share my life - I'm proud to say it was a popular site - although I don't necessarily miss the turmoil that accompanied it. I'm better off in 2009 than I was in 2005. I'm happier, and more importantly I'm more content. Still, it's nice to revisit some of those old posts. For those that are interested, this is the kind of stuff I was writing:
At work the other day, I was reminded of a scene from Carol Shields’ The Stone Diaries. I don’t actually remember much about the book – I think I enjoyed it, but it doesn’t resonate. (Her last novel, Unless, left a greater impact, probably because a big chunk of it took place in Toronto.) But what I do remember is the two pages or so where the narrator, Daisy, lists all the things that she’s never done in her life. (I don’t have the book in the house to list them all, but I do remember one of the things she listed was oral sex.) From what I recall, she doesn’t register judgement on those things she’s missed out on, but simply notes them impassionately.
I’m in the mood to undertake a similar exercise. I’ll make two lists: the things that I’ve done that might be somewhat out of the ordinary (or at least memorable for me), and those that I’ve not done or accomplished. In some cases, I’ll provide a small explanation.
Things that I’ve done:
Held an Oscar; won three tennis tournaments; given multiple orgasms (or so I was told…); broken both my wrists (the right one one year, the left one the next); torn my rotator cuff in a bike accident; won a broadcast award in university; published approximately 400 articles (many of questionable quality); flown over the date line; paid for porn in a Japanese hotel; cheated on a partner (only once, and to my shame); spent New Year’s Eve alone; spent my birthday alone (and worried that I’ll be doing that this year); “made out” with a girl when I was 8 years old; travelled to almost every major American city; flown first class; finished in the top ten in scoring one year in hockey (when I was 10; I finished eighth); assisted on a championship-winning goal; thrown up from too much booze on someone else’s carpet; shot, processed and developed my own black and white photos; been hit in the balls with a tennis ball while playing goal in a street hockey game; hit someone in the balls with a slap shot in a street hockey game; cried at the end of the film Fields of Dream (it’s the whole “father-son” thing); had three one-night stands.
Things I haven't done:
Gone bungee jumping or sky diving; had a threesome; read Moby Dick, War and Peace or Ulysses; gone skinny dipping; made a woman pregnant (at least as far as I know); had anal sex; travelled to India, New Zealand or Argentina (three places I’d like to visit); used any drug harder than hash; seen a dead person at an open-casket funeral.
--
Re-reading this, I wonder if this was a draft. After all, the list of things I haven't done seems awfully small! More important, I can actually cross three things off the list and add them to things I've accomplished (travelling to Argentina is one; I'll allow others to speculate on the other two). Also, maybe it's time to get back to that type of confessional writing. Of course it won't be that scandalous: after all, nobody's here reading!
It hasn't always been like that. In fact, I've just spent the better part of 45 minutes poking through my external hard drive and re-reading some blog writing from my past. (I was in search of my favourite post that I wanted to pass on to a friend of mine who never read the blog.) For those that don't know, I've had about four different blogs over the years, with my original 2005 Procrastination Nation blog standing as perhaps my finest of all. I certainly had more energy back then for writing, but that's directly related to my emotional state at the time: I was going through a serious break-up, and then re-entering the dating world. Is it any wonder I had a lot on my mind to share? (I was also probably more into sharing back then. I've become more gun shy about revealing too much of me on the web.)
In some ways I miss having that energy and will to write and share my life - I'm proud to say it was a popular site - although I don't necessarily miss the turmoil that accompanied it. I'm better off in 2009 than I was in 2005. I'm happier, and more importantly I'm more content. Still, it's nice to revisit some of those old posts. For those that are interested, this is the kind of stuff I was writing:
At work the other day, I was reminded of a scene from Carol Shields’ The Stone Diaries. I don’t actually remember much about the book – I think I enjoyed it, but it doesn’t resonate. (Her last novel, Unless, left a greater impact, probably because a big chunk of it took place in Toronto.) But what I do remember is the two pages or so where the narrator, Daisy, lists all the things that she’s never done in her life. (I don’t have the book in the house to list them all, but I do remember one of the things she listed was oral sex.) From what I recall, she doesn’t register judgement on those things she’s missed out on, but simply notes them impassionately.
I’m in the mood to undertake a similar exercise. I’ll make two lists: the things that I’ve done that might be somewhat out of the ordinary (or at least memorable for me), and those that I’ve not done or accomplished. In some cases, I’ll provide a small explanation.
Things that I’ve done:
Held an Oscar; won three tennis tournaments; given multiple orgasms (or so I was told…); broken both my wrists (the right one one year, the left one the next); torn my rotator cuff in a bike accident; won a broadcast award in university; published approximately 400 articles (many of questionable quality); flown over the date line; paid for porn in a Japanese hotel; cheated on a partner (only once, and to my shame); spent New Year’s Eve alone; spent my birthday alone (and worried that I’ll be doing that this year); “made out” with a girl when I was 8 years old; travelled to almost every major American city; flown first class; finished in the top ten in scoring one year in hockey (when I was 10; I finished eighth); assisted on a championship-winning goal; thrown up from too much booze on someone else’s carpet; shot, processed and developed my own black and white photos; been hit in the balls with a tennis ball while playing goal in a street hockey game; hit someone in the balls with a slap shot in a street hockey game; cried at the end of the film Fields of Dream (it’s the whole “father-son” thing); had three one-night stands.
Things I haven't done:
Gone bungee jumping or sky diving; had a threesome; read Moby Dick, War and Peace or Ulysses; gone skinny dipping; made a woman pregnant (at least as far as I know); had anal sex; travelled to India, New Zealand or Argentina (three places I’d like to visit); used any drug harder than hash; seen a dead person at an open-casket funeral.
--
Re-reading this, I wonder if this was a draft. After all, the list of things I haven't done seems awfully small! More important, I can actually cross three things off the list and add them to things I've accomplished (travelling to Argentina is one; I'll allow others to speculate on the other two). Also, maybe it's time to get back to that type of confessional writing. Of course it won't be that scandalous: after all, nobody's here reading!
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