Friday, March 10, 2017

Some idle thoughts

Another work week is just about in the books - there's still this afternoon to get through. It wasn't my most successful week by any measure, but I did what needed to get done, so perhaps there's a small victory in there! I'm off to NYC next week, which will be much busier. And then from there, down to Florida where I'll be able to feel the sand on my feet. Needless to say, there's much therapeutic value in that for me.

I am a little angry at myself for not writing more. Not to mention I have no one to blame but myself! I had thought I would be able to write in the mornings, but there's been so much inconsistency so far with my mornings. Basically the routine I had in mind - wake up around 8, get some writing in before breakfast, and then do my research work after eating while having my coffee - hasn't quite panned out. I'm not waking up all that early, for one: I seem to be lounging in bed far longer than predicted, although I'll chalk that up to the continuing winter and the warmth of the bed sheets over the cold of the hardwood floor! I'm guessing that the warmer weather to come will aid on hauling my ass out a mite earlier. I'm also feeling ... well, largely unmotivated to write right now. I guess I'm going through a good long stretch of contentment - while good for my overall mood, it's not so good for creating a mood for writing! I guess I need a little bit of angst to help fuel me. Surely the contentment can't be chronic!

I bought a new journal when I was in San Francisco at the Museum of Modern Art - the cover is a Magritte painting - but I've barely filled a page yet. I had thought I could make that the paper source for the "Morning Papers" that I hoped to do - let's make that happen.

In short, this post is mostly about me whining!

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Welcome March

Let's celebrate: two consecutive days of blogging!

Basically I just wanted to acknowledge that the first month of my leave is officially over. Only 11 more to go!

I'm off site today: I figured I needed a change of scenery, so I walked down to my local branch of the public library. The free wifi seems to work well, and the building is spacious with plenty of light. It's quiet too, although it's still difficult for me to see people bringing in coffee... (My friend L. tells me that it's ok to bring in food too. Not sure how I feel about that, especially if the person sharing my table brings out a massive meatball submarine sandwich.) But I'm going to do this often, I think, getting out of my space and working elsewhere. It seems to help focus me. That said, I've done a reasonably good job of staying disciplined at home. Yes, I've fallen asleep a few times while reading in the afternoon... but hey, I can justify that! (I guess.)

In doing some reading yesterday, there was a passage that resonated. It was about a poet who had been living in NYC for years (and was born in New Jersey), who had rarely travelled much at all, but who decided to sell some of his belongings, borrow a bit of money, and headed to Mexico. He felt the new environs and getting away from the nitty-gritty of everyday existence would give him the breather necessary to help him with his art. And it made me think: I need to view this leave in those terms. I mean yes, I have a project to complete, and it will take a lot of my time. But yet, I need to reconcile in my mind that this is also a means for me to take a step back from the 9 to 5 existence, to take a respite from the daily grind (such as it is - it's not like I'm working in the quarry) and to leave some time for myself to reflect and ruminate. It's such a luxury, and while I feel sheepish at times that I've been given this opportunity, I also shouldn't apologize for it or feel like I'm unworthy of it. Not to mention the break will mean a more refreshed me when I finally do get back to full-time at the workplace.

So let's work on that.