The Periphery

Let's face facts. Or, in this case, the fact: I'm a periphery guy. I've never been in the middle of things, in the "thick of it." That's certainly true of my involvement in the CanLit world.

This evening I was hanging out on the wonderful bp nichol laneway, attending Coach House Press' Wayzgoose Party. It was a fun affair: I went with three wonderful friends, spoke for a bit with one of my closest friends, had a couple of beers and a sausage, and then ran into my poet/soon-to-be novelist friend on the way to the subway (she was on her way to the Coach House), who I reminisced with about the same CH party two years when we stayed until midnight. (I should admit to being too shy to say hi to a couple of people I sort-of know, but don't really know. Damn this innate shyness.) The highlight of the evening was the great Michael Ondaatje introducing himself to my friend D., when Alana Wilcox, managing editor at Coach House, told people to introduce themselves to the person next to them and say what their connection was to Coach House. I think D. loved his brush with CanLit royalty, although he admitted he wished he could have something something profound.

While my connection to Coach House is a lot more solid than D.'s - I was actually given a printed invite by legendary Coach House founder Stan Bevington, and I've also been asked to write a small story about Stan being awarded the Order of Canada - I still feel like something of an outsider. Much of it has to do my personality: I'm not terribly outgoing (one day I'll write about my childhood when I was a total chatterbox, and the event that turned me inward), and thus have trouble working a room. And when I get in a crowd of more than two people, I become too self-concious of what I'm saying, and end up not saying much of all. I also wonder about my level of "cool" - or in this case, my lack thereof.

Yet sometimes I ponder my CanLit role, and think: sure, I'm on the periphery, but it's an important role nonetheless. And maybe it's not so bad to walk anonymously, unassumedly (is that a word?), around that crowd. Be content.