Hello 2010!

So a new year has begun. Farewell 2009! You were good to me, and I hope the good continues into 2010. The year ended nicely (and predictably): eating a well-prepared medium-rare steak (it was a nice night to BBQ), quaffing a $50 bottle of a California Zinfandel, enjoying a post-dinner glass of single malt scotch while watching Fellini's wonderful 8 1/2 (ok, maybe that last part wasn't as predictable). We missed the official ringing in of the new year, however, as the lovely A. was intent on watching the end of Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough" on MuchMoreMusic's Retro Dance Party. No biggie: we still opened up a bottle of (faux) champers and toasted a new calendar for the wall.

We also created a list of resolutions, although I prefer the term "goals I hope to achieve." Basically, there were three, all revolving, unsurprisingly, around the theme of self improvement (which tends to be my theme every year; who knows if I'm actually getting closer to a personal nirvana!). I'm doing these from memory (since I left the sheet at A.'s house):

1. To make better use of my spare time. I tried to qualify this by adding items like using my free and available time to write more often (and look, a blog post so early in the new year, so I'm trying!), not rushing home straight from work but to take a few more seconds out of my day to sit at a cafe to read, or to browse the city streets, to see a film, etc. (That's actually another one of my unstated goals: to see more films this year, including catching up some long-neglected classics.) I hope this goal will lead to another one: making better use of this wonderful city I live in and its cultural amenities.

2. To play more guitar and learn how to use the program GarageBand. I've left my acoustic guitar on its stand unattended for far too long. One reason is that I desperately need to buy new strings! I'm going to buy some today and get cracking on this goal. I'm not a great player, by any stretch, but I do enjoy fooling around with chords, and conjuring melodies and lyrics.

3. To be more honest and open, both with myself and my friends. This is a tough one to properly explain, but it essentially means being more self-reflective, to really examine the things that make me tick, including what makes me happy (and sad). I might use this blog for some of that self reflection, so stay tuned! But I want to use it primarily to help fuel some of my creative writing. The second part, to be more honest and open with friends, will be put up to the test tomorrow when I go out with a friend who I've been resisting seeing - I want to explain why I haven't been making of an effort to stay in touch (it's a long story, but it involves her cutting out early the last time I saw her to see a guy who I think has been using her; I want to have the kind of friendship with her that allows me to be honest and direct with her).

Actually, that third resolution was also tested yesterday morning and early afternoon when the lovely A. and I had a chat about her difficult year and my lack of understanding of how tough it really was. It revealed some painful truths: in a nutshell (again, the story is way too long to recite here, not to mention I feel I need more time to process it and ruminate on it), that I have a tendency to be too selfish, that I'm not as giving as I should be. It was a tough, sad, but necessary eyeopener. Which basically adds one more goal to the mix: to discover selflessness, even to see if I have the means within me.

I'm looking forward to an emotional and exciting 2010!