Back home

I'm back from la belle province. The trip turned out mostly ok, particularly yesterday when I started to feel more comfortable with the society I'm a part of (I haven't been a member for too long, nor am I an academic like the majority of members). I've got a ways to go before feeling like I truly "belong" - but of course I need to remind myself that I rarely feel like I belong anywhere. I was also reflecting yesterday morning on the difference between people that are high achievers and are seemingly supremely confident in their abilities and intelligence (ie., pretty much almost everybody that presented a paper, including a 28 year-old librarian who does a similar job to mine but will far exceed my career achievements - she probably already has!) and middling achievers like myself. So much of it seems to come down to focus and discipline. I seem to have little of either: my mind is constantly wandering (I'm an inveterate day dreamer), and my work habits can best be described as "he gets work done in those ever-rare intervals when he's not procrastinating." I'm actually determined to work on these nasty habits, to improve my self-discipline, to add rigour to my work and thinking life. My big fear is that it's already too late: the proverbial dumb horse is already out of the barn.

Although, in a nice touch, I did have someone - a PhD candidate whose research area (around a private library and what it reveals about the collector) is totally fascinating - come up to me while I was in line waiting to grab a sandwich prior to the association's AGM yesterday afternoon. "I wanted to compliment you on your paper," she said. "You made some excellent observations." I thanked her, of course, but then added, "but I think you might be confusing me with someone else as I didn't deliver a paper." I guess all us men look alike. (Actually I did take it as a compliment because the guy she was confusing me with was quite good looking!)