Yes, it's been a while

We're closing in on the end of April, and here I am, keeping up the pace I started in February of posting about once a month... I can't even offer up the excuse of it being an overly busy month, although it did have its dramatics. The big one, of course, was the death of my beloved cat. I knew the day would come when I'd have to say goodbye to her, but I found the grief rather overwhelming. I thought it was somewhat unseemly to be grieving so deeply for an animal, but it helped to remind myself that she's the only pet I've ever had, not to mention she was the one constant and consistent companion I've had for 19 years. That's quite a relationship! I'm still digesting her loss - there's still a "muscle memory" of her being around: waking up to her purring on the bed, the ritual of putting food in her dish when I arose, topping up her water during the day, hearing her (usually untrimmed) claws on the hardwood floor - but the passage of time truly does help. I've got a couple of photos of her as well, so her presence continues to loom. She will be missed! And looking at the one positive, this does free me up for additional travel this year during my leave. I've got my sights set on France in autumn - and, if I can possibly swing it, a trip to New Zealand and/or Australia to end the leave in January. But nothing is yet set in stone (or even set in wet sand).

Otherwise things continue apace. One of the goals I had set for myself when the leave started was to write and read much more. My success in both has been mixed. But I've started to read more in the mornings when I first wake up, particularly short stories. (It's an idea I stole from another blogger I was in touch with years ago.) It's a good way to start the day, although another part of me thinks I should be writing first thing in the morning when my mind is still fresh. It's something I tried years ago when I freelanced, and advocated in the well-known book The Artist's Way. I used to refer to it as my "Morning Papers" - I just pulled the book and she calls it "Morning Pages." Close enough. (Now that I have the book out from my shelves, I might flip through it and remind myself of some of the other exercises it suggests.) And while I'm not writing very much on this blog, I have pulled out a paper journal to jot some notes, thoughts and other miscellany. (I've even dabbled in some poetry, but it's too clumsy to share - maybe "crap" is a better word here.) There are a number of writing projects I want to initiate, but they require ... well, some serious self-exploration. Just thinking about some of these projects makes me feel nervous! (In the end, they really just involve stupid self-indulgent, self-absorption garbage that surely interests only me.)

Do any of these projects have to do with my research project? Well, perhaps, but of course only peripherally. But again, I need to remind myself that the leave is also a sabbatical from regular work shit (which was becoming kind-of shitty, to tell you the truth), and if I can indulge in some self examination away from the day-to-day travails, then it will result in a happier and content me when I do finally go back into the drudgery of everyday routine. For now, I'll cut myself some slack with the indulgence.