Question(s) of the day

As I was lying groggily in my bed this morning around 6:15 - it seems I no longer have the ability to sleep in, even on weekends, no matter what time I hit the sheets at night - trying to figure out how to spend my day of leisure (should I go see some aft. jazz at the Pilot? look for a new pair of shorts to replace the ones that got all torn up from my bike mishap with the streetcar tracks on Wed. night? buy some new running shoes to see if that's the cause of this lingering left calf problem? head down to MEC to look for a knapsack and/or bike pannier? work on a newsletter that I'm woefully behind on? lounge around the apartment and/or do some tidying up? As you can see, the options are many), I got to thinking: am I actually enjoying my life right now? More specifically, am I making the most of my weekends, indulging my passions and pleasures when I have more time to spare?

While I tend to crave these weekends where I have no commitments, it's got me wondering exactly why I don't have any commitments. The short answer, of course, is that I'm no longer in a committed relationship, with its weekend expectations of "hanging out" with one's significant other - that's freed up much of my non-work time. Most of my close friends have young families which understandably eat up their weekends. (They're very good at making the time to hang out during the work week though, which is great.) There are some others I can "tap" to make plans with, but I tend to be reluctant to hang with people I don't consider close friends - that's just the way I operate, I'm afraid. I'm also bereft of dating companionship as well - one of these days I'll bore you with the mechanics and machinations of the online dating world, which is often frustrating and futile - which is actually not a major source of frustration (at least right now).

I think I'm just a mite peeved at myself that I've become somewhat apathetic about pursuing those things that do make me content with my lot in life. And I need to figure out where this apathy is coming from. I'll admit to feeling extremely melancholic of late - but is this a classic "chicken or the egg" situation, where my melancholy is the result of my apathy or the cause of it? I miss the lovely A. tremendously as well, so that too must be having a negative impact on my overall mood and my feelings of self worth.

Anyway I'm really just thinking aloud here. I didn't mean this to sound like a sucky, whiny post!

I think I will go to the Pilot for the jazz. That tends to put a hop in my step. Sometimes literally.