work and apathy

It can be a struggle for me at work. Not because I don't like my job - this is career #2 for me, and it's working out much better than misguided career #1 (although I don't regret the years I spent toiling away in that profession - well, not really) - but because of prevailing negative and cynical attitudes held by a majority of my co-workers. I like them all, that's not the problem: in fact, I think it's the best office environment I've ever worked in. (And maybe one reason is because we don't consider ourselves an office in the traditional sense.) But there seems to be a lamentable amount of apathy and stagnation in my workplace, and at times I find it frustrating.

Those who know me know I'm not exactly the "rah rah" type when it comes to ... well, pretty much anything (particularly since my beloved Expos uprooted and moved to Washington, thus depriving me forever of a World Series championship for my native city, Montreal). Not to mention I often display a fierce and muscular sarcasm, bordering on the (yes, I'll admit it) cynical. (I prefer the less-offensive sounding word "realist" - in fact, one of the stock phrases I've used to describe myself in the past is "optimistic cynic.") Still, sometimes I'm in conflict: there's a side of me that wants to be excited about things that others find easily dismissible, such as my work and pride in (for lack of a better expression, although it probably sounds lame city - see, I'm already sounding conflicted) "professional development." Maybe it's because I finally found something that I truly enjoy and feel is important.

To wit, I've started to volunteer for some extra-curricular duties outside of my normal work. The projects largely involve writing, which is, of course, something I enjoy, so in that regard does not seem overly onerous. A couple of the projects in particular should be great fun since I'll be digging into manuscripts and archives. I feel I need the intellectual stimulation and challenge these projects will require. My regular work is mentally taxing, to be sure, but sometimes I wish it is was even more mentally exhausting.

Perhaps not too surprising, some of my colleagues couldn't believe I was taking on these extra duties. I suppose it's easier for them to be complacent in their work - they've been in their jobs far longer than me (one day I'll have to write another post on how frustrating it is to be in an environment where people have essentially worked for their entire working life), their jobs are secure (I'm still only on contract, after all), and probably feel they have nothing to prove. Because of this negative attitude, it's hard for me to get totally jazzed about some of the extra work I've signed up for. It would be nice to have a little more support from my direct and closest colleagues. I need to do something I've often struggled with: find some self motivation.

Still, maybe you should send me a shout out of "good luck."

Listening to: Kaki King's Everybody Loves You
Watching: The Agenda (panel discussion about Toronto architecture, focusing primarily on the Gehry addition of the AGO; I think I'll take a weekday afternoon off soon to take a look for myself)
Reading: the Nov. 17 New Yorker (great post-election wrap-up), about to break the spine of Andrew Pyper's The Killing Circle, and about to buy Roberto Bolano's latest 2666 from Amazon